Top 10 Women I’d like to Marry

10. Paris Hilton – because of her eyes, they glow with night vision… and also because of her sister, Nicky Hilton ( i love cat-fights)

 9. Bai Ling – i saw her in Crank2 and i thought she could handle herself and i’d feel safe with her.

 8. Kim Kardashian – She has a Hot mom, hotter sister Kourtney Kardashian and i think i can beat Bruce Jenner in a Race.

 7. Britney Spears - so she’d stop following me in Twitter  (Fuck_Brｉtney). 

 6. Ethel Booba – coz her really name is Ethyl, yes like the alcohol. and she’s got big boobs

 5. Ruffa Mae Quinto – coz she has bigger boobs “To the highest level!”.

 4. Giada Di Laurentiis – she cooks well but has ugly hands. and she knows 101 uses of whipped cream (i only know 1).

 3. Mahal - a very good cleaner, she can reach places i can’t, like under the tables and chairs. and brad and angelina’s gonna adopt her.

 2. Ai Ai Delas Alas - i’d love the chance to do some mandibular reconstruction on her.

and the top woman i love to marry:

1. Ivanka Trump – coz she’s ivanka, and i’d love to touch donald’s hair.

82

i cant stay in one place for a long time coz i have this fear i’d grow roots and turn into a tree and cant travel.

81

i’d rather be lonely alone than be miserable with someone else.

My Super Ex-GF

i had a wonderful dream last night. i dreamt i was with darna and wonder woman last night only to wake up beside My Super Ex-GF with the hotel room all disheveled. shucks

My Super Ex-GF ate like a whale that has just come out of a strict vegetarian Diet of kelp.

I told My Super Ex-GF if she continued eating like this, she’d end up looking like a Transgender Humpty Dumpty with dimples.

i woke up today wondering whether half of the world knows how the other 3/4 of the world lived

i just met someone whose face could launch a thousand ships… albeit in the opposite direction

on the beach

there was this young woman frolicking on the beach who appeared to have been poured into her bathing suit but had forgotten to say when…. from afar she looked like a whale that had deliberately beached herself until she moved closer to us and on close inspection found that a second edition of her chin had been published.

Stuck in a hole with as much chance as a blind man with one arm trying to get out of a bunker with a fork!

i should stop dating women old enough to be my wife!

E noho iho i ke opu weuweu, mai ho`oki`eki`e.