Top 10 Women I’d like to Marry

10. Paris Hilton – because of her eyes, they glow with night vision… and also because of her sister, Nicky Hilton ( i love cat-fights)

 9. Bai Ling – i saw her in Crank2 and i thought she could handle herself and i’d feel safe with her.

 8. Kim Kardashian – She has a Hot mom, hotter sister Kourtney Kardashian and i think i can beat Bruce Jenner in a Race.

 7. Britney Spears - so she’d stop following me in Twitter  (Fuck_Brｉtney). 

 6. Ethel Booba – coz her really name is Ethyl, yes like the alcohol. and she’s got big boobs

 5. Ruffa Mae Quinto – coz she has bigger boobs “To the highest level!”.

 4. Giada Di Laurentiis – she cooks well but has ugly hands. and she knows 101 uses of whipped cream (i only know 1).

 3. Mahal - a very good cleaner, she can reach places i can’t, like under the tables and chairs. and brad and angelina’s gonna adopt her.

 2. Ai Ai Delas Alas - i’d love the chance to do some mandibular reconstruction on her.

and the top woman i love to marry:

1. Ivanka Trump – coz she’s ivanka, and i’d love to touch donald’s hair.

The Women I Know

MYE: She has a very big bed and as with all sleepers in very large beds she worked the bed like a figure-skater on ice.

LAURA: I compare her to that of a cuckoo… And I was insulting the bird.

JANE: Being with her was like sport shooting. My only apprehension is whether I’m in the right or wrong end of the gun.

The iN-Chick: She sleeps like a log that has fallen on its side and refuses to move but snores like a pig being slaughtered.

MYRNA: She begs to be noticed just as a fly beckons to be noticed as it zoom around your food.

INNIE: We have the perfect age-old combination: she was the Ham to my Eggs.

The Women I Know

ELLIOT:  she’s the kind of friend you can always count on. Like the sign nailed on the Meralco post. “TUBERO 24Hrs 4167478″ always there, always available. That’s why I and her friends love her.

The Women I Know

IRENE: her only redeeming quality is that she has nice teeth. Apart from her teeth, she has the most endearing personality of a blood-sucking flea that looks down on everyone’s ass from her high and mighty seat. 

The Women I Know

Another I/Me: I do not know her, but I know her kind. But like the sheep and the fox, she might as well be one or the other. Unquestionably a  meek predator, a proverbial Fox in Sheep’s skin. But unlike all the other foxes that prey on the weak, this sly fox preys or plays on the strong. her wiles conquer men weak enough. Irresistible as she is, i am blessed to meet another me – A Prettier and Sexier me, and i am pleased. And so i see myself in the mirror and imagined how the other me would look like… Naked.

THE WOMEN I KNOW

KIMCHI – she may not be the prettiest among the women i know, but she’s among the most beloved. being korean, she looks like all the other korean women i meet along the hallways, elevators and lobbies of this korean-infested condominium. but unlike most korean women, she was small-boned and slim and wore a most amazingly fair and silk-smooth skin akin to aphrodite of milos and its famous marble statue. she was neither boisterous nor meek but can either be one or the other or both if needed. she always wore her long non-sinuous tress loose and untied like in one of those shampoo commercials. i just love the way she gingerly holds on to it as a sudden gush of wind threatens to muddle her perfectly combed hair. and the way she throws me a smile while doing so. 

she has left now and i will miss her. i will miss the tranquil aloofness of a foreigner as we go for walks and coffee amongst the crowded malls and cafes. i will miss her strong accent as she whispers something into my ear. like the gentle summer breeze, she has gone. gone are the hours of gentle caress. gone are the hours of ill-contrived foolishness. gone. i will miss her. her scent still lingers but for how long. 

The Women I Know Part 2

BELLE
It infuriates her to be wrong when she knows she right.

ANNABEL
She has a nice ass. For a donkey.

SANDRA
Underneath her skinny exterior is an enormous lack of character.

ERICA
She had to choose between two evils and she chose both.

ROCHELLE
She found a special person she can annoy the rest of her life.

BATCH
Have you ever tried to carry an intelligent conversation with someone who gives you a sardonic smile or a blank stare after a simple question as if you were speaking in a foreign tongue. Or someone who tends to jump from one topic to another that one needs a road map to follow their trend of thought. I met one such girl who always seems to be always lost in thought. I’m pretty sure it’s because it’s unfamiliar territory to her

VENUS
When she couldn’t have it all, she took some of mine.

VIRGINIA
When I first met her, she was on oral contraception. She always said “NO!”

CHONA
She put up a dating service to make ends meet. Well, they did not meet.

JULIANA
Her irresistible desire is to be irresistibly desired.

PAMELA
Too much blood flowed into her breast and not enough into her brain.

The Women I Know

RONA: She’s the kind of woman you wouldn’t want to be related to except by sex.

KAREN: Some people fall short of perfection.Karen never does. She invariably does the perfectly wrong thing.

JENNIFER: She kept her eggs in one bastard. Poor friend.

LOURDES: How sweet it is to waltz through life with the right partner/s.

VILMA: She’s always afraid to be in bad company!
That’s why she’s never alone.

JEANNIE: She tried to learn nothing about a great many things and had succeeded fairly well.

J: I forgave God for the Big joke He made on me when He gave me you.

NANCY: Love is a submissive gaze of a captive who is blissful in her chains!

CORA: I had one of the best dates I have ever experienced in my life. But it wasn’t with her.

BABE: She always had two boyfriends at a time. One for rainy days, the other, in case it doesn’t rain.

BUBBLES: Every time she takes the wrong road, men goes right after her.

ANGELIE VERSION 2.0: She had an upgrade – a boob job.

PATRICIA: Today I was asked a question that eluded the great minds of men.

“What are you here for?”

I was glad to have answered with a forceful conviction apt and reserved only for men of learning.

I said ‘I do not know!’

ANGELICA: She says the most wonderful and profound things, which I do not understand at all.